Monday, December 01, 2014

Spiritual Journey of an aspirant from the Mainland

Reflection on "The Life of Pi"
The following note is a reflection of her life in faith by a girl from the Mainland, who aspires to become a nun. The Lord has peculiar ways of calling people whom he loves!
After 2 years I finally watched this Oscar award movie. As my mainland parish priest recommended, it is a good movie for those who have or going to have a religion. Being a Roman Catholic, I found my own conversion experience in it.
    The Same as Pi, I was Born as a Religious Child although none of my parents HAS any Religion. I Thank God for that. He gave me the "seed of contemplation" and all the ability to seek for the Truth. I also had a period in my life that would like to believe every tales about any god and admire them in my creative ways. These memories are like shinny stones, covered already by layers of sand. But God has His own way to polish it again.
    My first Mass was at the feast day of Christ the King. With the melody of entrance antiphon, a drop of holy water dropped right onto my forehead. It was like a seal of Jesus, imprinted on my head and in my heart. Although I barely knew who Jesus was and almost had no concept of Church, I begged the Priest to baptize me right at the next Ester. My intention was simple, since I was going to Hong Kong (an absolute new place for me then) I need to be reserved by God so that He could protect me whatever happens. It proved to be the wisest decision I have ever made though it looked nonsense at that time.
    I have to admit I was anything but a good Catholic after my baptism. I did not go to Church nor did I fast. In short, I suddenly stopped practicing my religion. Few months later, I flew to HK all alone. During those days I felt a deep corruption in my behavior and my heart. I had a relationship but ended in as short as a month. Then I started to go to church irregularly. I went for retreat to find ways to release all the guilty feelings and I cried for no particular reason in front of the Eucharist. All things I did at that time was for atonement. Not because I was frightened of the "after-life" punishment but to prove I am not that worthless. I metaphor that period as in the middle of a swamp, my struggle only make me even more dead. Just as Pi when the first few days he got on the boat with that tiger, and struggled to live but the situation did not improve.

    Then I thought of being a nun. In my impression, they are all good people and I will at least be better to be among them. Silly right? But I am working on it. I attend different Catholic related gatherings and get to know people with absolutely different background from me. Their perceptions and views flooded into my head. I forced myself to swallow without chewing. It seems I had a huge step forward in my religious life and I arrived at the place where I am now. Like Pi, he uses his own ability to learn, to face, and to make his life better. But he is still floating.
    Witnessing the love pounding and echoing between Jesus and our sisters, I started to ask myself "Do I love Him?" It is undoubted that He loves me all the ways He could but do I love Him? Then one day on a bookmark He said to me: How much you feel the love of God is the proof of how much you love Him. He does not even allow me to say there is no love between us!!  Now I finally fell in love with Him, for sure! I am finally landed.

    I believe that all the past has passed and my life is just begun. I did not have as fabulous experiences as Pi did but I have my own interpretation of my life. Thanks Lord for each day He gave me and for the love and blessings . Pray I could be as confirm after years. 
An Aspirant

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